My neck is held tight as my body twists trying to escape. His laughter at myfeeble attempt fills the night. He steps off the rope wrapping it around hisfist as he brings me to heel at his side. The lead only inches from his hand.In a blind panic I try to retreat. I have to escape the thing that has me. Pullingon the rope I don't care that it is tightening until I realize I have lost theability to breath. I try and move forward now to loosen the rope only to havehis hand raise. He will not let the looped rope release its death grip on me.As I reach the point of passing out his words begin to register… "…I decide if you crawl on your knees or slither on your bellybitch… I decide if you eat or drink… I decide if that slitof your is full or empty…I decide if you breath your next breath… Idecided if you live or die…' With that pronouncement the rope goes slack bending over with my head touchingthe ground I draw in life sustaining air. Before I was able to take even a second breath his. ’HOW TO SPEAK ABOUTMENAND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:1. He does not have a ‘BEER GUT’ - He has developed a ‘LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.’2. He is not a ‘BAD DANCER’ - He is ‘OVERLY CAUCASIAN.’3 ... He does not ‘GET LOST ALL THE TIME’ - He ‘INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.’4. He is not ‘BALDING’ - He is in ‘FOLLICLE REGRESSION.’5. He does not act like a’TOTAL ASS’- He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.’(Loved this one!)6. It’s not his’CRACK’you see hanging out of his pants - It’s ‘TROUSER CLEAVAGE.’This is likely a repeat but it is worth a re-read“As good as this bar is,” said the Scotsman, “I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there’s a wee place called McTavish’s.The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he’ll buy the fifth drink.”“Well, Angus,” said the Englishman, “at my local pub in London, the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two.”“Ahhh, dat’s nothin’,” said the Irishman, “back home.
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